discouragement

Stop Living in the Tombs

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by Linda Rex

By Linda Rex

June 19, 2022, PROPER 7—I remember years ago receiving a phone call from a nurse who had helped in the delivery of my child. She lived down the road, and had seen me out walking, along with my newborn child in a stroller. She had called to tell me that my doctor wanted to see me.

The reason she had called was a good one. She was concerned that my postpartum depression had turned into clinical depression, and she wanted me to get the help I needed. What I had not known back then was that my mother had struggled with this same difficulty, and this was a genetic predisposition that could be passed down from one generation to the next.

I am, in a way, thankful that the recent pandemic has brought to the attention of many the importance of good mental health. Within churches, there has been a tendency to shun any discussion of mental health issues, or to lump them all under the heading of Satan’s work or demonic affliction. In my birth family, we discovered the painful consequences of being ignorant with regards to mental health issues—it’s important to be honest and upfront about our human brokenness and frailty, and to get the appropriate help when we need it.

If we look at the scriptures, we can see that struggles with depression and mental health related issues are addressed in the same way as many other of the struggles we have as human beings. Take, for example, the story of Elijah the prophet. Just after he had experienced a major triumph against the pagan prophets championed by Queen Jezebel and King Ahab, Elijah was threatened with the loss of his life. He ran to hide, ending up in a lonely place in the wilderness. There, he simply asked God to take his life. He didn’t feel he had anything else to offer—he was all alone and broken in soul, and done with the battle he had been fighting.

What is interesting about that story is that God didn’t magically take his depression away. Rather, he met him in the midst of it. He didn’t meet him in the great wind, nor in the tremendous earthquake, nor did he meet him in the massive fire. The way God engaged Elijah was through his still, small voice—meeting him right where he was and asking, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Then, having been present with him in the midst of his despair and distress, God gave him a new purpose, and sent him out with a firm, “Go, return on your way… (1 Kings 19:1–15a).”

I was reading Psalm 42 and 43 which are readings for this Sunday, and was reminded of how helpful the psalms were when I was in my darkest days. The writers of the psalms (or songs) captured many powerful emotions and our common human response to crises, tragedies, and affliction. Pondering these poetic expressions of the inner soul, allowing them to resonate with what is going on within our own soul, and even using them as prayers, can awaken us to the reality that God understands our difficulties and is present with us in the midst of them.

Listen to what the “sons of Korah” wrote in this excerpt:

“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him? Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, ‘Where is this God of yours?’ My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: … But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. … Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live. There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy. I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God! Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!” (Psalm 42:1-3, 8; 43:3-5 NLT)

If you read the entirety of these two psalms together, you will see that the psalmist is wrestling with deep, passionate feelings of isolation and discouragement. He rightly interprets this longing of his soul as a need for God’s presence in his circumstances. He needs to know he is not going through this all by himself. He needs to have some glimmer of hope in the midst of the darkness.

In verse 3 of Psalm 43, the cry of the psalmist is, “Send out your light and your truth.” There, right there, is where we see a glimmer of the answer to our struggles with depression, despair and discouragement. God did send out his light and his truth. We find in the person of Jesus Christ himself, the One who is the Light and the Truth, what we are longing for. We find that God himself has taken on our human flesh, to live our life and die our death, to experience the worst that humans could inflict upon him, even to the point of suffering and death. He knows the pain of losing people dear to him. He knows the grief of being rejected, insulted, and falsely accused. And he knows what it is like to be betrayed and abandoned by his friends.

What God did was to enter into the midst of our human experience and bear it all upon himself. He went all the way into death itself, to bring our human flesh up into the presence of God, to be there in Christ forever. He sent the Spirit from the Father so that our human flesh becomes the temple of God’s presence, the place where we are able to worship him in Spirit and in truth. That means, in the midst of our darkest inner gloom, God’s Light is present and available. When it seems we have no hope, our heavenly Hope is present and able to lift us once more into a new place. We can seek the Lord, and when it feels as though our prayers never penetrate the ceiling, we may suddenly discover he has been right with us the whole time.

Jesus knows what it feels like when it seems we are all alone in the dark night of our soul, wandering about the tombs of our dreams. He knows what it feels like to barely be able to take another step. He knows the agony of one more moment of painful life. On the cross, he drove out the Satanic spirits of despair, desolation, and despondency—let them go. He clothed us with his righteousness—put it on. And he offers to you and to me his endurance, his forbearance, his hope, and his peace. He holds us and is faithful to us even when we are ready to give up.

Yes, there are times when we need to ask others for help. If we need to take medication to balance out our body chemistry, then we need to take it faithfully and consistently. If we need to talk with a therapist, then we need to have those conversations. But in every case, we always have Christ present in us and with us by the Spirit, giving us hope and strength. He will not abandon us, no matter how much in the moment it may feel like he has. Choose to ignore the lies that tell us God doesn’t love us or that he has abandoned us. Choose, by God’s grace, to believe Christ is still there, beneath all that mess, holding us steadfastly by the Spirit in the Father’s embrace. Let Jesus be who he is—the Light and the Truth at the bottom of the deep well of our darkness.

Thank you, Father, for never abandoning us or leaving us alone in our dark places, but coming to be with us and in us by your Spirit. Thank you, Jesus, for being the Light and the Truth who holds us safely in the Father’s embrace, filling us with the hope to go on. Grant us the grace to take one more step, to find the strength for one more day, even if that is all we can manage right now, through Jesus our Lord. Amen.

“For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; nor has He hidden His face from him; but when he cried to Him for help, He heard.”     Psalm 22:24 NASB

“So they arrived in the region of the Gerasenes, across the lake from Galilee. As Jesus was climbing out of the boat, a man who was possessed by demons came out to meet him. For a long time he had been homeless and naked, living in the tombs outside the town. … A crowd soon gathered around Jesus, and they saw the man who had been freed from the demons. He was sitting at Jesus’ feet, fully clothed and perfectly sane, and they were all afraid. … The man who had been freed from the demons begged to go with him. But Jesus sent him home, saying, ‘No, go back to your family, and tell them everything God has done for you.’ So he went all through the town proclaiming the great things Jesus had done for him.”     Luke 8:26–27, 35b, 37–39 NLT

[Printable copy: https://newhope4me.files.wordpress.com/2022/06/stop-living-in-the-tombs.pdf ]

Surrendering Our Expectations

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By Linda Rex

This month at Good News Fellowship we are celebrating all the hands which join together to minister to the people in our community and to the body of Christ. We have so many people in our little congregation who are integral in some way to the ministry of Community Café and to the church itself. I am grateful to each person who contributes their gifts, prayers, and financial support.

I realize there are times when we wonder whether or not all the effort is worth it. We sacrifice and struggle to serve, and it may seem like it doesn’t make a difference or we can’t seem to do enough to satisfy the needs or expectations of those we are serving.

Needs seem to multiply the more we try to meet them. We cannot control the weather, or the destructiveness of fire and wind. Jesus said we would always have the poor among us, for there will always be someone who can’t or won’t live within their means. It seems there will always be needs for us to meet as a participation in God’s care for his creation.

Expectations, however, are a different thing entirely. The longer I am in pastoral ministry, the more I realize the power of expectations to cause disappointment, discouragement, resentment, and disunity.

Some people do not realize the unreasonable expectations they put on pastors and others in pastoral ministry. I know of pastors’ wives who dread the phone ringing just when the family is setting down to dinner because it seems to always be the same person demanding instant attention about something which is not urgent nor life-threatening.

Pastors and those in pastoral ministry have to have really strong personal boundaries otherwise it is very easy for them to allow people to invade every part of their lives to the extent there is nothing left for their own family. They often find themselves saying yes to too many things. There are a lot of good things to do—people to care for and needs to be met. And the list of things to do seems to grow all the time.

It is because we have a heart to care for others and to show them God’s love that it is easy to say yes to too many things. It is easy to burn ourselves out working for Christ, when Christ never once asked us to do any of the things we are doing. This is why it is so important we be able to discern God’s real calling to each of us individually and collectively, and to only participate fully in those particular things God is calling us to do with him.

But in saying no to certain things, we need to be willing to accept the reality we are going to disappoint someone. We are going to fail to meet someone’s expectations of us, and that is going to feel uncomfortable for a while for both us and for them.

I have a hard time saying no to opportunities to serve in my community group. I would really like to be doing everything they ask me to do. But I have learned I cannot say yes unless I am certain it is what God wants me to be doing and I genuinely have the time, the ability, and the calling to do it. I realize saying no is going to make them unhappy just as it makes me unhappy, and it very well may cause them to draw away from me and not include me in future opportunities. But no is what I need to say.

I am grateful I minister to a congregation which is so respectful of my time and home life, I have to remind them to call me when they are going through a difficult time. I am grateful they remind me to take care of myself and my family, and they often step up when I have more going on than I can do on my own.

I don’t have a spouse to share my load, and I am deeply grateful when my brothers and sisters are willing to help me and serve me in so many ways. But realize I also have to be respectful of their time, energy, and capacity to serve as well. I need to not have expectations of people in my congregation which are unreasonable or insensitive.

Sometimes I forget to be thoughtful and considerate to my spiritual community, and I regret it when I do. My brothers and sisters in Christ pour themselves out generously and freely, so I pray Abba will pour generously and freely back into them in every way possible so they will be renewed and encouraged rather than drained and exhausted.

Sometimes we can have and do express unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of people and do not realize we are doing it. Unhealthy expectations of others can cause pain and disrupt relationships. When we know someone has a caregiving, generous personality, we need to protect them from their tendency to over give rather than taking advantage of it all the time.

We also need to respect the humanity of those who serve or lead others in the body of Christ. I cannot enumerate the veiled criticisms I have received about decisions which cost me hours of prayer, fasting, and tears to make. It seems sometimes people expect me as a pastor to not have anything in my life which I regret or which I did not have control over. Their expectation is I will always have lived my life in a way which meets their idea of perfection. Such expectations are unreasonable and unhealthy. The truth is, any pastor I know who is worth their salt is an ongoing creation of redemption in Christ and has places in his or her life where God is at work right now healing, transforming, and renewing.

There are times when in conversation with someone, I perceive sly innuendo and subtle hints of how I need to improve my ministry or home life. This seems to be an unpleasant but natural part of the journey of pastoral ministry. I have always been open and transparent, and it tends to open me up to criticism. But I would rather live this way than to feel like I need to hide myself away from the people I love and serve all the time. Real relationship requires authenticity, even though such transparency opens us up to criticism and unrealized expectations. Real relationship requires a lot of grace—grace which pastors and those in pastoral ministry need a lot of.

Perhaps as we celebrate this month, it is good time to be reminded of the generosity and kindness of the God who laid everything down for us. This is the God who in Christ willingly joined himself to our humanity and sent his Spirit so he could share in every part of our life and our service to others. This is the God who replenishes, renews, and restores us, and who inspires us to care for and love others. We draw our life and our being from him. May we be filled anew with his love and grace, and find renewal in him as we serve him and those he brings into our lives.

Thank you, Abba, for each and every person in our lives who serves you and each one of us. Thank you for those who give of their time, prayers, and resources so that others may be blessed, cared for, and comforted. Free us from our unhealthy and insensitive expectations of others, and enable us to be gracious and compassionate in every circumstance, and sensitive to the limitations of those who serve us. Replenish and renew all those in pastoral ministry, and remind them what they do to share in your ministry is valuable and worthwhile, through Jesus our Lord and by your Spirit. Amen.

“But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me.” Philippians 2:17-18 NASB

“Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians