encouragement

Surrendering Our Expectations

Posted on

By Linda Rex

This month at Good News Fellowship we are celebrating all the hands which join together to minister to the people in our community and to the body of Christ. We have so many people in our little congregation who are integral in some way to the ministry of Community Café and to the church itself. I am grateful to each person who contributes their gifts, prayers, and financial support.

I realize there are times when we wonder whether or not all the effort is worth it. We sacrifice and struggle to serve, and it may seem like it doesn’t make a difference or we can’t seem to do enough to satisfy the needs or expectations of those we are serving.

Needs seem to multiply the more we try to meet them. We cannot control the weather, or the destructiveness of fire and wind. Jesus said we would always have the poor among us, for there will always be someone who can’t or won’t live within their means. It seems there will always be needs for us to meet as a participation in God’s care for his creation.

Expectations, however, are a different thing entirely. The longer I am in pastoral ministry, the more I realize the power of expectations to cause disappointment, discouragement, resentment, and disunity.

Some people do not realize the unreasonable expectations they put on pastors and others in pastoral ministry. I know of pastors’ wives who dread the phone ringing just when the family is setting down to dinner because it seems to always be the same person demanding instant attention about something which is not urgent nor life-threatening.

Pastors and those in pastoral ministry have to have really strong personal boundaries otherwise it is very easy for them to allow people to invade every part of their lives to the extent there is nothing left for their own family. They often find themselves saying yes to too many things. There are a lot of good things to do—people to care for and needs to be met. And the list of things to do seems to grow all the time.

It is because we have a heart to care for others and to show them God’s love that it is easy to say yes to too many things. It is easy to burn ourselves out working for Christ, when Christ never once asked us to do any of the things we are doing. This is why it is so important we be able to discern God’s real calling to each of us individually and collectively, and to only participate fully in those particular things God is calling us to do with him.

But in saying no to certain things, we need to be willing to accept the reality we are going to disappoint someone. We are going to fail to meet someone’s expectations of us, and that is going to feel uncomfortable for a while for both us and for them.

I have a hard time saying no to opportunities to serve in my community group. I would really like to be doing everything they ask me to do. But I have learned I cannot say yes unless I am certain it is what God wants me to be doing and I genuinely have the time, the ability, and the calling to do it. I realize saying no is going to make them unhappy just as it makes me unhappy, and it very well may cause them to draw away from me and not include me in future opportunities. But no is what I need to say.

I am grateful I minister to a congregation which is so respectful of my time and home life, I have to remind them to call me when they are going through a difficult time. I am grateful they remind me to take care of myself and my family, and they often step up when I have more going on than I can do on my own.

I don’t have a spouse to share my load, and I am deeply grateful when my brothers and sisters are willing to help me and serve me in so many ways. But realize I also have to be respectful of their time, energy, and capacity to serve as well. I need to not have expectations of people in my congregation which are unreasonable or insensitive.

Sometimes I forget to be thoughtful and considerate to my spiritual community, and I regret it when I do. My brothers and sisters in Christ pour themselves out generously and freely, so I pray Abba will pour generously and freely back into them in every way possible so they will be renewed and encouraged rather than drained and exhausted.

Sometimes we can have and do express unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of people and do not realize we are doing it. Unhealthy expectations of others can cause pain and disrupt relationships. When we know someone has a caregiving, generous personality, we need to protect them from their tendency to over give rather than taking advantage of it all the time.

We also need to respect the humanity of those who serve or lead others in the body of Christ. I cannot enumerate the veiled criticisms I have received about decisions which cost me hours of prayer, fasting, and tears to make. It seems sometimes people expect me as a pastor to not have anything in my life which I regret or which I did not have control over. Their expectation is I will always have lived my life in a way which meets their idea of perfection. Such expectations are unreasonable and unhealthy. The truth is, any pastor I know who is worth their salt is an ongoing creation of redemption in Christ and has places in his or her life where God is at work right now healing, transforming, and renewing.

There are times when in conversation with someone, I perceive sly innuendo and subtle hints of how I need to improve my ministry or home life. This seems to be an unpleasant but natural part of the journey of pastoral ministry. I have always been open and transparent, and it tends to open me up to criticism. But I would rather live this way than to feel like I need to hide myself away from the people I love and serve all the time. Real relationship requires authenticity, even though such transparency opens us up to criticism and unrealized expectations. Real relationship requires a lot of grace—grace which pastors and those in pastoral ministry need a lot of.

Perhaps as we celebrate this month, it is good time to be reminded of the generosity and kindness of the God who laid everything down for us. This is the God who in Christ willingly joined himself to our humanity and sent his Spirit so he could share in every part of our life and our service to others. This is the God who replenishes, renews, and restores us, and who inspires us to care for and love others. We draw our life and our being from him. May we be filled anew with his love and grace, and find renewal in him as we serve him and those he brings into our lives.

Thank you, Abba, for each and every person in our lives who serves you and each one of us. Thank you for those who give of their time, prayers, and resources so that others may be blessed, cared for, and comforted. Free us from our unhealthy and insensitive expectations of others, and enable us to be gracious and compassionate in every circumstance, and sensitive to the limitations of those who serve us. Replenish and renew all those in pastoral ministry, and remind them what they do to share in your ministry is valuable and worthwhile, through Jesus our Lord and by your Spirit. Amen.

“But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me.” Philippians 2:17-18 NASB

“Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians

Making Room For All

Posted on Updated on

By Linda Rex

I was looking at some of the responses to the recent event in Charlottesville and was appalled at the numbers of people who hold to the belief of the superiority of the white race. I understand from personal experience how insidious these lies can be. But what concerns me most is they are drawn from a misreading of the Bible. They twist the Scriptures which when read with integrity and spiritual wisdom point us to the Christ who united all humanity with all its variety in his own Person.

Indeed, Jesus laid the foundation in his life, death, resurrection and ascension, and in the sending of his Spirit. But he also calls us to participate in this reality which he created in himself. We can live in the truth of who we are in him, or choose another path. Living in the truth of our humanity allows us to participate fully in the harmony and oneness of the Triune life, while choosing this other path creates what we see, hear, and experience today in these situations which involve violence, death and suffering.

In contrast to the living God, who is willing to lay himself down for another (and who did so), the evil one sets himself up as superior to others. He wants to elevate himself to a place where others must submit to him. He believes he is the one with the right understanding of how things really are, even though his logic is twisted and his motives are selfish and impure. Rather than assuming full responsibility for his shortcomings and misguided ways of living, he casts shadows onto others, making them at fault instead.

The error of this twisted thinking violates the oneness of the Trinity, where Father, Son, and Spirit live in a harmonious union in which each is unique, not the other, and yet is equal. As children made in this image, we as human beings were created to live in this same harmony as equals and yet as uniquely ourselves.

This oneness is not a forced sameness, but a celebration of what each brings to the table, making room for one another. The reality is there are certain things we cannot bring to the table if there is to be room for everyone. These are things such as hate, greed, lust, pride, selfishness, and indifference.

Making room for all means we need an attitude of unselfishness, of humility, of service, and of giving. It requires a willingness to submit to another’s way of doing things when we would rather use our own. Necessarily, there must be communication, encouragement, trust, and generosity—all things which are not the usual way most humans function. But these are the attributes of the God in whose image humans are made.

Unfortunately, our common way of creating harmony and oneness as humans is to create some form of sameness. We all must have the same clothes, the same behavior, or the same creed. We have to obey the same rules, and follow the same leader. We must be the same color or the same ideology. But sameness eliminates the distinctness God created in the human race.

It is unfortunate the universal church has broken into so many facets. But even broken glass when it reflects the sun creates a pretty pattern on the wall. The oneness of love and harmony between people of all different faiths teaches people about the love of God for us as demonstrated in the gift of God’s Son. It shows there is room for everyone at the table—we are all God’s children and called to be members of the Bride of Christ.

The variety within the universal church makes room for people with different needs, interests, and understandings of scripture. I have come to see that each person has a unique worship personality. Some of us connect best with God through the sacraments and through traditions. Others of us connect best with God and others through social service. Others of us find it is most meaningful to connect through the study of theology in a more intellectual way. God has made room for all in Christ to come into a meaningful relationship with him by his Spirit.

Those of us who follow Christ and who trust in him for salvation must never get to the place where we shut others out of their inclusion in God’s love. Even though many do not see, or if they see and they choose to resist their inclusion in Christ, we must never assume in any way they are excluded from the invitation to share in God’s life and love. There is room for each and every person at the table—there is a seat with their name on it waiting for them.

Nothing about any person is enough to exclude them from God’s invitation to life. The color of their skin, the way they comb their hair (if they have any), their age, and not even their past is sufficient to prevent them from God’s offer of grace and renewal in Jesus Christ. To divide up the human race into separate sections is to divide up Christ himself, and it must not be attempted.

Some may even be offended at the use of the name of Jesus Christ. To talk about everyone and God in the same breath is okay, but to mention Jesus Christ too is to become exclusive, they believe. But the whole point of the Christian faith is that all humanity, every race and ethnicity, has been swept up into Christ, and thereby reconciled with God. Jesus Christ is not a point of separation between us—which is commonly believed and criticized—but is the point of unity between us all. He is our oneness, our harmony with one another.

In Christ’s sending of his Spirit, he made it possible for us as humans to live together in ways we ordinarily cannot live. The Spirit changes hearts and minds, and enables us to find our commonalities instead of focusing on our differences. When the Spirit goes to work and we are receptive, what normally would produce discord and division all of a sudden becomes harmonious. I have seen this first-hand in meetings which I thought were headed toward a free-for-all and ended up being experiences of compassion, repentance, and renewal. We all walked away newly joined together in a deep understanding and acceptance of one another.

But the path toward this type of oneness is necessarily, as Jesus Christ demonstrated for us, through death and resurrection. We need to die to our ungodly beliefs and our unhealthy ways of living and being. This is repentance. We need to rise in Christ to our new life he purchased for us and begin to make room for one another. We need to surrender our prejudices, our hate, our evil, and embrace the grace and love which is ours, while sharing it with each and every person we meet. This is faith. We turn from ourselves and turn to Christ. He is our oneness with God and each other in the Spirit.

Abba, forgive us our hate, our prejudices, and all our failures to love. Forgive us for ever believing we were superior to another, or more important than them. Grant us the grace to humble ourselves and make room for others, allowing them to be the people you created them to be in Christ Jesus. Give us courage and faith to resist anything which is not the truth about who you meant for us to be—to recognize evil for what it is and to bravely condemn and resist it, through Jesus our Lord and by your Spirit. Amen.

“For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:26–28 NASB

An Anxious Heart

Posted on

sky

by Linda Rex

I’ve notice in the past few weeks as I have been making a transition in my life there is sometimes a sense of underlying anxiety in my heart. This creeps in here and there as I am facing the changes and decisions which come with the closing of one church and the need to move closer to the other.

It is easy to get caught up in the decision-making and the concerns about what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. And to get caught up in it to the place where I become anxious or worried about what to do next, or whether everything is going to be all right. When I feed this anxiety, it can get to the place where I’m afraid it is all going to fall apart and I’m going to be left destitute and on the streets. This isn’t healthy.

This anxiety never presumes God isn’t there in the midst of my problems. But I do believe there is a subtle unbelief which drives it, which says, “I know God is love and all that, but he doesn’t really care about these little details in my life.” It questions God’s heart—does he really love me? Does he really care that I am struggling or that things are getting hard for me? Does he know and understand my heart and my feelings?

We are instructed in the Word of God to take all our anxieties to God and to rest in him. Peter, who wrote this passage, instructs us at the same time to be on our guard, for the evil one seeks out the weak and the stragglers, hoping to find someone to prey upon. This is why it is so dangerous to feed our anxieties rather than casting them upon God.

Focusing on our anxieties rather than turning them over to God keeps us in that place of unbelief where Satan would like us to stay. Staying in unbelief, in not trusting God to care for us and to love us, in believing God’s heart is evil and not good toward us, opens the door for Satan to go to work in our hearts and lives, twisting us into tighter and tighter knots of anxiety, despair and unbelief. We can even get to the place where we stop trusting in God at all because we no longer see God for who he really is, the God who loves us and wants what’s best for us.

The thing is, we sometimes expect God to be a person who only does fun, happy things in our lives. We figure if he’s a good God, then he never allows bad things to happen. Our God-concepts are a little immature, I believe. At least, I find mine often are. I want a god who does everything I want him to do when and how I want it done. And that’s not Who the Triune God is. He is not my flunky who waits on me hand and foot and gives me everything I want when I want it. And my carnal humanity doesn’t like that.

The writers of the New Testament over and over remind us there will be suffering in this life, especially for those who choose to follow Christ. Bad things will and do happen. Life can be quite difficult and painful at times. But none of these things alter Who God is. And none of these things alter God’s love and care for us in the midst of what we are going through in our lives.

What these struggles and difficulties in our life provide are opportunities to trust God. These are opportunities to once again believe the truth about Who God is and how much he loves and cares for us. These are opportunities as we trust and walk with Christ by the Spirit through them for God to form Christ in us, to transform our hearts by faith. These struggles and difficulties become opportunities for God to be glorified by healing, restoring, renewing, or just sustaining us in the midst of them. God loves us through our struggles and pain.

I think this is why Satan looks for people to prey upon when they are at their lowest. He knows when we trust God in the midst of difficulty, struggles, and pain our relationship with God deepens. We end up closer to God than when we began. And we grow in our Christ-likeness. And those are the things the evil one seeks to destroy—relationship, community, love, and the restoration of humanity in the image of God in which he was made.

So as anxiety is creeping around the corners of my mind and heart, I keep turning to Christ. He is the one who holds in my place, and in yours, the perfected peace and trust we need in the midst of all these things which are happening in our lives. We can cast all our anxiety upon God, because God in Christ came and shared in our humanity, and knows and understands all we are going through. God knows our hearts and cares for us. His heart toward us is good.

As we turn to Christ in the midst of all we are going through, God works to perfect us, to restore our true humanity, to strengthen us and plant us with a firm foundation in Jesus Christ. God draws us closer and closer to himself into deeper relationship with him.

And God also works in community to strengthen and help us. God places us within a spiritual community, the body of Christ, so there are others to come alongside and help us through our difficulties, whether through prayer, support, encouragement, or physical help.

One of the greatest blessings for me has been the gift of a new family here in middle Tennessee through the churches I have been blessed to pastor. I am comforted by those who pray for me and my family. And I am encouraged by all those who have offered physical help and support. This reflects the Triune life and love in our humanity, and demonstrates God’s unconditional love in tangible ways in my life. And this also helps to ease the anxiety which is a natural part of our human response to change.

It is good we are learning how to show love to one another in healthier and more tangible ways as the body of Christ. It is through this loving one another in the midst of difficult times we demonstrate the love of God, and enable others to experience a taste of the Triune life and love. May we continue to grow in Christ by the Spirit so others can experience God’s love and grace more and more as time g

oes on.

Abba, thank you for your gracious love and grace. Thank you we can turn to you in all our anxiety and distress, and you care for us and lift us up. Grant us the grace to turn to you and to trust you in the midst of every difficulty, struggle and joy, and to provide support and love to one another as well. We give you praise and thanksgiving for your faithful and abundant love, through Jesus and by your Spirit. Amen.

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:6–10 NASB