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Surrendering Our Expectations

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By Linda Rex

This month at Good News Fellowship we are celebrating all the hands which join together to minister to the people in our community and to the body of Christ. We have so many people in our little congregation who are integral in some way to the ministry of Community Café and to the church itself. I am grateful to each person who contributes their gifts, prayers, and financial support.

I realize there are times when we wonder whether or not all the effort is worth it. We sacrifice and struggle to serve, and it may seem like it doesn’t make a difference or we can’t seem to do enough to satisfy the needs or expectations of those we are serving.

Needs seem to multiply the more we try to meet them. We cannot control the weather, or the destructiveness of fire and wind. Jesus said we would always have the poor among us, for there will always be someone who can’t or won’t live within their means. It seems there will always be needs for us to meet as a participation in God’s care for his creation.

Expectations, however, are a different thing entirely. The longer I am in pastoral ministry, the more I realize the power of expectations to cause disappointment, discouragement, resentment, and disunity.

Some people do not realize the unreasonable expectations they put on pastors and others in pastoral ministry. I know of pastors’ wives who dread the phone ringing just when the family is setting down to dinner because it seems to always be the same person demanding instant attention about something which is not urgent nor life-threatening.

Pastors and those in pastoral ministry have to have really strong personal boundaries otherwise it is very easy for them to allow people to invade every part of their lives to the extent there is nothing left for their own family. They often find themselves saying yes to too many things. There are a lot of good things to do—people to care for and needs to be met. And the list of things to do seems to grow all the time.

It is because we have a heart to care for others and to show them God’s love that it is easy to say yes to too many things. It is easy to burn ourselves out working for Christ, when Christ never once asked us to do any of the things we are doing. This is why it is so important we be able to discern God’s real calling to each of us individually and collectively, and to only participate fully in those particular things God is calling us to do with him.

But in saying no to certain things, we need to be willing to accept the reality we are going to disappoint someone. We are going to fail to meet someone’s expectations of us, and that is going to feel uncomfortable for a while for both us and for them.

I have a hard time saying no to opportunities to serve in my community group. I would really like to be doing everything they ask me to do. But I have learned I cannot say yes unless I am certain it is what God wants me to be doing and I genuinely have the time, the ability, and the calling to do it. I realize saying no is going to make them unhappy just as it makes me unhappy, and it very well may cause them to draw away from me and not include me in future opportunities. But no is what I need to say.

I am grateful I minister to a congregation which is so respectful of my time and home life, I have to remind them to call me when they are going through a difficult time. I am grateful they remind me to take care of myself and my family, and they often step up when I have more going on than I can do on my own.

I don’t have a spouse to share my load, and I am deeply grateful when my brothers and sisters are willing to help me and serve me in so many ways. But realize I also have to be respectful of their time, energy, and capacity to serve as well. I need to not have expectations of people in my congregation which are unreasonable or insensitive.

Sometimes I forget to be thoughtful and considerate to my spiritual community, and I regret it when I do. My brothers and sisters in Christ pour themselves out generously and freely, so I pray Abba will pour generously and freely back into them in every way possible so they will be renewed and encouraged rather than drained and exhausted.

Sometimes we can have and do express unreasonable and unrealistic expectations of people and do not realize we are doing it. Unhealthy expectations of others can cause pain and disrupt relationships. When we know someone has a caregiving, generous personality, we need to protect them from their tendency to over give rather than taking advantage of it all the time.

We also need to respect the humanity of those who serve or lead others in the body of Christ. I cannot enumerate the veiled criticisms I have received about decisions which cost me hours of prayer, fasting, and tears to make. It seems sometimes people expect me as a pastor to not have anything in my life which I regret or which I did not have control over. Their expectation is I will always have lived my life in a way which meets their idea of perfection. Such expectations are unreasonable and unhealthy. The truth is, any pastor I know who is worth their salt is an ongoing creation of redemption in Christ and has places in his or her life where God is at work right now healing, transforming, and renewing.

There are times when in conversation with someone, I perceive sly innuendo and subtle hints of how I need to improve my ministry or home life. This seems to be an unpleasant but natural part of the journey of pastoral ministry. I have always been open and transparent, and it tends to open me up to criticism. But I would rather live this way than to feel like I need to hide myself away from the people I love and serve all the time. Real relationship requires authenticity, even though such transparency opens us up to criticism and unrealized expectations. Real relationship requires a lot of grace—grace which pastors and those in pastoral ministry need a lot of.

Perhaps as we celebrate this month, it is good time to be reminded of the generosity and kindness of the God who laid everything down for us. This is the God who in Christ willingly joined himself to our humanity and sent his Spirit so he could share in every part of our life and our service to others. This is the God who replenishes, renews, and restores us, and who inspires us to care for and love others. We draw our life and our being from him. May we be filled anew with his love and grace, and find renewal in him as we serve him and those he brings into our lives.

Thank you, Abba, for each and every person in our lives who serves you and each one of us. Thank you for those who give of their time, prayers, and resources so that others may be blessed, cared for, and comforted. Free us from our unhealthy and insensitive expectations of others, and enable us to be gracious and compassionate in every circumstance, and sensitive to the limitations of those who serve us. Replenish and renew all those in pastoral ministry, and remind them what they do to share in your ministry is valuable and worthwhile, through Jesus our Lord and by your Spirit. Amen.

“But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me.” Philippians 2:17-18 NASB

“Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians

Sharing God’s Love Builds Bonds

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By Linda Rex

Last Saturday I held the Sharing God’s Love women’s retreat at my home. It was a small gathering—altogether there were nine of us who participated. I have limited space in my downstairs, so it was a tight squeeze for everyone to have a place to sit, especially around the dining table at lunchtime. But we did it, and I believe we all had a good time together.

We began our event with an icebreaker where we shared some things we didn’t know about each other. Then we moved into contemplative prayer where we invited the Holy Spirit to show us areas in our hearts and lives where God would like to bring healing and transformation. We wrote these things down as God showed them to us.

I talked briefly about the spiritual discipline of inner-healing prayer and how God uses it to bring healing and renewal in each of our lives. I used as a reference the book The Handbook of Spiritual Disciplines by Calhoun. The ladies then split up into pairs and prayed for one another, specifically keeping the concerns in mind God had showed them earlier. I saw tears and heard laughter. It was a moving experience for those involved.

We paused to have lunch together, and then I began the afternoon session. I read Acts 2:42-47 and showed how what we had done so far that day was like what the early church experienced shortly after Pentecost. We had spent time hearing the Word of God, we had prayed together, and had fellowshipped and shared a meal together. They each had received a small gift. The ladies had also each brought an item to the event to give away, and put it in one of the baskets we would be giving away to some of our Community Café visitors in February. cross

During the afternoon session we continued in the spirit of the early church and created something to give to others. We began making Valentine’s Day cards using some templates and precut items Pat and I had made earlier in the week. Some wrote messages on the cards, others just pasted scriptures and greetings on the cards. It was all a simple project. We ended up with about 65 cards to give away.

We split these cards up between two people. Teresa would be taking some to the nursing home where her mother was, and Valinta would be giving some away at work. Our goal is to have them return and report to the church the way the early apostles would do after a trip sharing the gospel. So, we all gathered hands and prayed for Teresa and Valinta and God’s blessing on their efforts to share the message of God’s love with all those who received the cards. We followed this with communion and a benediction.

We had hosted one of these two years ago at Mercy Convent here in Nashville. That had been quite a different experience since we had the use of the chapel, the porch and the grounds during that event. But no matter the location, gathering together to share in spiritual community in this way is often healing, and creates a sense of refreshment and renewal.

I believe there is something significant which is lost when we do not slow down long enough to experience renewal with others. I’m afraid we are often so busy being individuals with our own plans and agendas, we don’t have time or even the desire to sit and be silent, or to share important parts of ourselves with others who can pray with us and for us, and be a part of helping us to heal and to be renewed.

The irony about this event, in my experience, was what happened afterwards in my own personal life. As a pastor, often we are the ones hosting these types of sessions, and we are not always the participants. Because this is the case, we don’t often experience the renewal others experience while participating in them. We had an uneven number of ladies on Saturday, so when we split into pairs to pray, I sat out. I prayed silently while they were praying, but did not specifically participate in the inner-healing prayer.

Indeed, God had brought a particular thing to my mind during the contemplative prayer session, but I held onto it, thinking the Lord and I would work it out together later. I would have some downtime later, and we would talk about it then. And God did address it with me, but not as I expected.

The next day I had a busy day at church. I not only played keyboard in the band during worship, but I also preached. That is draining enough, but I also had a meeting following the service which I felt was very important. So by the time I left the church building and headed home, this introvert was pretty drained.

I got into the car and started up the road. I vaguely realized I needed gas for the car, so I started looking for the brand of gas I prefer to use. And I just started driving, and driving, and driving. I finally realized I was just driving absentmindedly, and stopped to fill the tank. I had not realized how overcome with grief I was until that moment when I felt I could just keep driving and not look back.

I wasn’t really very far from home, so I went there, parked the car, and called one of my team members. I explained what had happened and asked her to pray for me. And as she prayed, I cried. God had called me into inner-healing prayer in spite of my neglect of it at the retreat. God knew I was grieving and needed to grieve, but also knew I needed to grieve with someone. God works healing within the context of relationships, whether we like it or not.

It’s tough to let go of our rugged individualism and humble ourselves enough to confess our brokenness and need to someone so they may pray for us and we may be healed. But this is what God encourages us to do (James 5:16). This is extremely difficult to do in a culture where such spiritual, emotional intimacy is mistaken for other types of relationships, but it’s what we were created for. God did not intend for us to live as islands—we were created for deep, close, loving relationships with him and with one another.

If I might share this piece of encouragement—find a safe person who you feel you can trust, and who loves the Lord, and ask them to pray with you and for you. Don’t keep your grief, struggles, and brokenness to yourself. If you don’t have one, begin seeking one out, asking God for direction and wisdom. God never meant for you to carry this all alone. And if I might help, I would be more than happy to pray with and for you—just ask.

Abba, thank you for surrounding us with caring people who are willing to pray for and with us when we are in need. Make us more aware of the love which you have placed in our lives—show us how you share your love with us day by day through all the caring relationships we participate in. If we do not have these, then Lord, I pray—shower us with your love. Without you, and without one another, we are truly lost. Thank you for your faithful love, through Jesus and by your Spirit, we pray. Amen.

“They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.” Acts 2:42–47 NASB

Caught in the Political Crossfire

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by Linda Rex

It seems like everywhere I turn recently, there is some new report about one of the candidates for the presidency doing or saying something which has gotten a whole lot of people upset. I realize a person who has chosen to live in the public eye is faced with this all the time. But, from where I am sitting, there seems to be a lot of mudslinging in this election.

Mudslinging is a human response to our broken humanity. When we are experiencing fear, shame or guilt for our failings as human beings, it is a whole lot easier to sling some mud at someone else than it is to admit we are imperfect and flawed and are in need of redemption. Pointing the finger at another’s flaws enables us to be free for a moment from the unpleasant experience of being exposed for who we are at our core.

But being open and transparent is what we as human beings are created for. We are designed by God to live in a fellowship of love in which each is known and accepted completely for who they are as God’s beloved child. Instead of slinging mud at one another, we are meant by God to be slinging love and grace at one another. But this doesn’t come easy for us.

Think about it. What if each candidate, instead of finding fault with his/her opponent, spent every moment they could promoting the other’s best interests, and seeking to point out their strengths and valuable experiences, and all their qualifications for the position? What if they sought to promote the success of the other person instead of seeking their own success at the expense of the other?

It’s hard to get one’s mind around, isn’t it? This isn’t how we function as Americans in the political sphere. We don’t even work this way in the business world or at home. It seems a ridiculous concept to even consider. And yet, this is the perichoretic life we were created in and for.

But there is so much more involved in what is going on today than just candidates slinging mud at one another. There is also a lot of mudslinging going on between people on all sides of this equation, the most appalling being that of between Christians.

Christians of all people ought to understand and live out the reality the Trinity teaches us that since we are beings made in the image of God to reflect his likeness, we can and should live out our uniqueness in an atmosphere of love and grace which affirms both our equality and our oneness with one another in Christ. We are the ones who should be creating an atmosphere within our society and within the political arena in which each person is appreciated and respected for their unique calling, abilities, training, education and experience, while being included in the community as an accepted and beloved equal.

Bonhoeffer was quite clear in his book “Ethics” and I have to agree with him, that the [Christian] church was not meant to dictate to society, but to influence it. It is in how we live out the truth of our inclusion in God’s life and love, our personhood as God’s beloved children, which influences society and affects politics.

As a Christian pastor, I don’t tell people who to vote for, but I do speak pointedly about the difference between the life God created for us in his Son Jesus Christ and the life our broken humanity drives us to live. We need to pay attention to this difference and live out the truth of who we are in Christ, thereby influencing transformation in our community and in our society as a whole.

Some people are called into leadership roles in our communities, cities, states, and nation. How they fulfill their roles largely depends on how well they are immersed in and living out of their connection with the Triune God of love. If they are living out of a center which is located within their broken humanity, it will be reflected in everything they say and do, promote and accomplish. And the results of leading in this way speak for themselves.

I have to say, though, every human being finds themselves in that place where he or she wants to live in the truth of who they really are, but in this broken, sinful world, it can be almost impossible to really do it day in and day out. We can only live each day and each moment in the grace God gives us in Christ. We each respond feebly and ineffectively to the Spirit’s lead, and most of the time, I would say, we don’t even realize he is leading us.

So, this leaves us all at the same place—the place Christ bought for us in his personhood as God in human flesh—the place of grace. We live as best as we can in that life of love given to us in Christ by the Holy Spirit and then we need to trust—trust that God will work all this out for the betterment of all humankind, redeeming, renewing and restoring whatever we break along the way.

The best place we can be along this journey of faith is in the everlasting arms, resting in God’s grace and love, and doing our best to participate in those things God is at work doing in this world. We can come to see what it is God has called us and gifted us to do in this world, and be busy participating in God’s mission of redemption and renewal. We can actively be building community, helping to heal the hurting, and bringing about justice for the needy, poverty-stricken, enslaved and abused.

And yes, in this next election, we can vote. We can begin the process of voting by informing ourselves, studying each candidate objectively, and learning about the issues at stake in our world today. We can pray and ask God for wisdom and insight, and for the ability to look beyond our prejudices into what it is God would like to see done in this situation.

We will each come up with a different person, a different point of view, but this does not mean we cannot come together to make a mutual decision about who to elect. We want to all bring our opinions and choices to the table, and to have a just and fair election. But then we want to place the outcome into the hands of God. For indeed, he could allow us to elect a very scary leader. It happens. But it does not change God’s ability and desire to sovereignly work out what is best in the long run for all of us collectively and individually.

God is the One who puts people in power and removes them from power. Nothing can prevent him from removing a candidate, or a president, out of the way, should he choose to do so. (Ps. 75) Nothing stands in his way, either, from using this elected individual to accomplish his purposes in the world—there are plenty of examples of this in the biblical historical record.

This is why we ultimately rest in the everlasting arms. We trust in God’s love and grace. And we go vote our conscience while leaving the results up to him.

Abba, you are a good, good Father, and you want what is best for us. Thank you for taking our broken efforts to lead and care for ourselves and turning them to accomplish your purposes in this world. Give us wisdom, insight and courage to make the best decisions possible in this election so we may choose leaders who are people of godly character, who are wise and intelligent men and women with good hearts who will lead us into paths of peace, love and grace. May you provide us with leaders who will govern us with justice and mercy and humility. Through your Son Jesus and by your Spirit, may it be so. Amen.

“It is God alone who judges; he decides who will rise and who will fall.” Psalm 75:7 NLT