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The Grace of Humility
By Linda Rex
April 13, 2025, (Palm Sunday or) Passion Sunday—One of the ways in which followers of Jesus Christ are intended to live counterculturally is through humble service. Years ago, it was common for people in the community to be actively involved in service clubs and in helping out when there were community events. Finding time to serve others and our community can be a real challenge, with the demands of work, family, and church responsibilities crying out for our full attention.
Within one of the gospel readings for this Palm or Passion Sunday, we see Jesus sitting at a last meal with his disciples before his arrest in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus has been painfully listening to a debate between his disciples regarding who will be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. What was on Jesus’ mind, that he had tried to bring to their attention, was that there was a person at the table who was going to betray him. But they were focused on positions of power within the new kingdom. It did not occur to them at all, even with Jesus telling them, the exact price Jesus was going to have to pay for them to be a part of the kingdom of God.
Jesus reminded them that as their rabbi and teacher, he was present among them, not as an oppressive, arrogant ruler, but as a humble servant. The one who served them was the greatest, not the one who was served. This was hard for them to get their mind around. He promised the twelve disciples their place in his heavenly kingdom, but pointed out to Peter his vulnerability to Satan. Apart from Jesus’ intercession, Peter was headed for a great fall. Peter insisted on his faithfulness to Jesus, no matter what. But Jesus told him the truth—that in the moment of crisis, Peter would deny Jesus. Peter just could not see himself doing this (Luke 22:35–34). He did not have an accurate view of himself. He had not yet come to the place in his journey with Jesus that he realized his vulnerability to arrogance, pride, and self-sufficiency.
Peter had to come to a place of repentance—a turning around, a change in mind and heart. This came about as he came face to face with a humble, self-sacrificing Savior—the Lamb who went without complaint to the slaughter, on Peter’s behalf, and on behalf of the whole world. As he denied Jesus the third time, Peter caught Jesus’ eye, and the look on Jesus’ face at that moment wrecked Peter’s composure. He left the courtyard where he’d been hanging out while Jesus was being interrogated, and broke down in tears. Peter was never the same again. He had come to a true assessment of himself in the eyes of Jesus. And it hurt. But that’s what true humility is all about—seeing oneself in the eyes of Jesus, as both having missed the mark and as having been forgiven.
This is the point the apostle Paul was making in our New Testament passage, Philippians 2:5–11. As God in human flesh, Jesus had every right and every reason to live as one who was in charge, the one who others must serve and whose expectations must be met. But this is not how we see Jesus. So often, he allowed himself to be at the mercy of the humans he created and sustained by the word of his power. While on earth, he allowed himself to be insulted, rejected, and wounded by those who should have respected and venerated him. He constantly served people, creating for himself a reputation of hanging out with sinners such as tax collectors and prostitutes. He paid his taxes to the current government of his day, and he, though brutally honest about their sin, submitted himself to the human political leaders presently in power.
The humility of the Son of God involved a self-emptying, as he took on our human flesh, setting aside for a time that which made him distinctly divine, allowing it to remain hidden during his time here on earth. We find the Son of God present in human flesh in the person of Jesus Christ. He doesn’t come as a conquering warrior, but as a tiny infant in humble circumstances—a baby in a manger. We see this Son of God, as the child of Mary and stepchild of Joseph, submitting himself to his parents’ supervision and instruction. We see him sitting at the feet of the ancient Jewish leaders, allowing them to teach him, even though he knew the answers and astonished them with his responses to their questions. His entire time here on earth was spent in humble service to others. And his final act of self-offering was on behalf of all he had made.
Jesus’ assessment of himself was that he came as a humble servant, to serve others—and it was correct. He was truly human, the way every one of us was meant to be human. To have the grace of humility is to have, by his Spirit, Jesus living in and through us his own humility which was manifest in his life, death, resurrection, and ascension. May we turn our gaze towards Jesus, look into his eyes, and see ourselves with true and clear vision—both in how we miss the mark and how we are forgiven, accepted, and beloved. This is the grace of true humility.
Father, Son, and Spirit, when we look into the eyes of Jesus, we see how far short we fall from being truly human as you created us to be human. Thank you for giving us the grace of true humility, that we may serve one another in godly love. May we not only receive your forgiveness and acceptance, but also offer it to others in your name, Jesus, by your Spirit. Amen.
“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus ‘every knee will bow,’ of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:5–11 NASB
“The way Jesus saw himself is the only valid way to see yourself! His being God’s equal in form and likeness was official; his Sonship did not steal the limelight from his Father! Neither did his humanity distract from the deity of God! His mission however, was not to prove his deity, but to embrace our humanity. Emptied of his reputation as God, he fully embraced our physical human form; born in our resemblance he identified himself as the servant of the human race. His love enslaved him to us! And so we have the drama of the cross in context: the man Jesus Christ who is fully God, becomes fully man to the extent of willingly dying humanity’s death at the hands of his own creation. He embraced the curse and shame of the lowest kind in dying a criminal’s death. From this place of utter humiliation, God exalted him to the highest rank. God graced Jesus with a Name that is far above as well as equally representative of every other name; The name of Jesus endorses his mission as fully accomplished! He is the Savior of the world! What his name unveils will persuade every creature of their redemption! Every knee in heaven and upon the earth and under the earth shall bow in spontaneous worship! Also every tongue will voice and resonate the same devotion to his unquestionable Lordship as the Redeemer of life! Jesus Christ has glorified God as the Father of creation! This is the ultimate conclusion of the Father’s intent!” Philippians 2:5–11 Mirror Bible
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The Gentleness of Wisdom
By Linda Rex
September 22, 2024, Proper 20 | After Pentecost—As we get further into our election year here in the United States, I am concerned by the way in which we as human beings tend to be swayed by whatever wind of politics blows in our direction. Those of us who believe and follow Jesus can get caught up in the polarization which seems to be occurring during this season, allowing ourselves to be swept along with one party’s aims and ambitions, rather than remaining rooted in our Lord, and his will and ways.
In our New Testament reading for this Sunday, James 3:13–4:3, 4:7–8a, the apostle expresses his concern about the wisdom of those who zealously sought the deliverance of his people from their Roman oppressors. The wisdom they expressed in words and actions led these people toward violence as a means of overthrowing the current government. James saw what drove their response was not the love of God in Christ, but jealousy and selfish ambition. There were those who saw what those in power had and enjoyed, and desired to have it for themselves. This led them to act in ways which did not reflect Christ, but rather, the natural and even demonic tendency towards evil and disorder.
What James speaks about is something which, when we look at our own hearts and minds today, may be a cause for concern. What are our motives for our response to the current situation we find ourselves in? What are our motives for what we do, whether at work, at home, or as we serve in our community or church? Are we motivated by God’s love in Christ, or are we motivated by jealousy and selfish ambition? Sometimes we may believe we have the greatest of intentions, when, in reality, we have ulterior motives. We may need to ask the Lord to show us what’s really going on inside.
If we truly want to be wise and understanding, James says that our wisdom is to be rooted in God himself. True wisdom, he says, is pure—it has no ulterior motives. Just like what Jesus manifested while he was here on earth, it comes simply out of a heart that is “peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.” This sincere and quiet spirit reflects the union and communion of the divine oneness of Father, Son, and Spirit, where each Person fully knows and indwells the other, in a relationship of other-centered, self-giving, sacrificial love. This beautiful shalom, the wholeness and peace of the Triune God, is held by James in stark contrast against the “earthly, natural, demonic” wisdom expressed by those who were embracing a path which led to evil and disorder.
So, what does James say we are to do instead? Because our Triune God, who is love and who loves us, is our Creator and Redeemer, we submit to him. We voluntarily yield ourselves to the authority of Father, Jesus, and Spirit in our hearts, minds, and lives. We resist all that is evil and that spirit which stands in opposition to God’s will and his ways. We choose to draw closer to God, growing in our relationship with him day by day. In response, God will draw closer to us.
Jesus Christ has cleansed us and is cleansing us now by the work of the Holy Spirit in and with us. Jesus purified our hearts through his perfect work in our place on our behalf, and is working now to purify our hearts by his Spirit as we respond to him in faith. Our response to the Holy Spirit’s work in us and in our lives is important. We can resist or grieve the Spirit, or we can respond with humble submission, gratitude, and obedience. True wisdom involves a humble, obedient response to the Spirit’s work, allowing the Spirit to cleanse us and purify our hearts with the indwelling presence and power of Jesus Christ. The wisdom from above, God’s wisdom, has been given to us through Jesus in the Spirit. Are we yielding fully to the Spirit’s work in and through us? Are we allowing him to transform us, and to form us to Christ?
I began this message with a reference to what is happening in the political sphere in our nation today. How might God’s wisdom be applied to this situation? The reality is, as followers of Christ, our first loyalty is to our Lord and Savior, to Jesus. And we are to draw near to him, for he is the One who ultimately is Lord over the nations, and who elevates or demotes our leaders. And we are unable to clearly see and make the best determination of how to move forward apart from his direction and inspiration by his heavenly Spirit. So, we pray for our nation and for God’s Spirit to move in people’s hearts and minds. We ask God to do what only God can do, and as we are directed by him, we act in the gentleness of his divine wisdom.
Heavenly Father, thank you that you know exactly what is needed in our situation, and that you are ever at work in our lives, growing us into the fullness of Christ. Grant us the grace to respond to your work in us by your Spirit, and to yield ourselves to your will in obedience, through Jesus our Lord. Amen.
“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. … Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 3:13–4:3, 4:7–8a NASB
Consequences of the Resurrection
By Linda Rex
4th SUNDAY OF EASTER—I have met many people over the years as I have been doing ministry here in Tennessee. I am sometimes surprised by how many times a person has been baptized on their journey with Jesus Christ. It seems that some churches require baptism as a mark of entry even though the person had been baptized before. Baptism, I believe, can begin to lose its significance when it is treated solely as a ticket for membership.
Jesus tells a story about a king who sends out invitations to a wedding feast (Matt. 22). The people he invited didn’t come, so he had his servants go out and invite anyone they could find to come. Finally, the day came. At the banquet, he finds a guest who doesn’t have on a wedding garment. Since every guest had been given a wedding garment when they were invited, there was no reason for this man to not to be dressed in one. He was excluded from the banquet.
When Jesus hung on the cross, all of humanity hung with him. When he was laid in the tomb, we all laid there with him. And when the resurrected Jesus walked out of the tomb glorified, our humanity walked out glorified with him. In his life, death, resurrection and ascension, Jesus carefully constructed our white robes of righteousness, preparing before time began for us to share in his glory.
It’s not when we are baptized that Jesus includes us—we were included back when he did his perfect work in our place and on our behalf. But we do come to a point in our lives when the Holy Spirit brings us to the place of recognizing and believing in who Jesus is and trusting in his finished work, gratefully receiving what he has done for us in place of our self-centered and self-sufficient ways of living and being. Our baptism becomes a participation in Jesus’ baptism, a symbolic sharing in his death and resurrection.
We can know about Jesus and even believe he is the Son of God, but never put on what he has given us. He has given us a new life, a new existence, a sharing in his love and grace which is life-transforming, healing and renewing. Jesus has included us in his perfect relationship with his Father in the Spirit. He has drawn us up into their perichoretic dance of love, and is allowing us to participate in his life in the Trinity both now and forever. He has baptized us with the Father’s love by and in the Spirit.
We express our grateful reception of and participation in Jesus’ perfect and extremely expensive gift through baptism. But going beyond baptism, we begin to live in the truth of who we are in Christ. In essence, we take the white robes which are ours and we put them on. As we eat the bread and drink the wine of communion, we tangibly “put on” Christ—we acknowledge our dependence on and trust in Jesus—we “feed” on him in an ongoing way, because he is our life. God works to grow us up in Christlikeness, as we respond to him in faith.
A lot of us, though, act as if we have to make ourselves good people. We work really hard at “being good enough to go to heaven.” The reality, though—if we are honest with ourselves—is that we will never be quite good enough. We are broken, sinful people who just can’t get it right. We can put on a nice front, make ourselves look kind, helpful, and generous, but at the same time be greedy, selfish, and indifferent. We can learn a lot of Bible verses, spout them at will, and yet never have a kind and thoughtful word to say to someone who is hurting.
Jesus’ finished work speaks volumes to us if we are willing to listen. It is because we are so faulty and in need of rescuing that he came to rescue us. It is because we are broken and sinful that he came to live in our humanity and redeem us. It is because we were captured by the kingdom of darkness that he, like a knight in shining armor, came to our defense and brought us safely into the kingdom of light at the risk of losing his own life like a sacrificial lamb.
This shepherd king, Jesus Christ, is the one who found us starving and wallowing in the pig sty, and brought home to his Father. God created us for so much more than this—we were intended to share in Jesus’ kingship and priesthood by the Spirit—an elevation to dignity and worth which is far beyond our own ability to attain. We were meant to live with God forever, immersed in his love and grace, filled with his Spirit, and participating in his plans and activities. We have a reason to live—a purpose and a hope beyond the temporary pleasures of this life. Whatever we do in this life now, and in the life to come, has great meaning and value as it is connected through Christ and in the Spirit with God’s love and will.
The fundamental issue which we face when faced with Jesus Christ is—are we willing to submit, surrender, relinquish all our claims to the throne? Are we willing to take our appropriate place as his dependent children, humbly surrendering to God’s desire for us and our lives? Are we willing to allow Jesus Christ to define our humanity and how we live our lives? This is the place where we are faced with the ultimate decision.
It’s easy to go through the motions of repentance, faith, and baptism. We can do the things we believe are necessary to become members of whatever church we may wish to join. But can we—no, will we—allow Jesus Christ to be who he is, the Lord of this universe and our Lord as well? Will we surrender to all to his purposes and plans, allowing him to redirect our lives and our relationships? Will we live and walk in the Spirit and not in our flesh any longer? This is where things get tough.
When Abba through Jesus sent his Spirit on all flesh, he opened the way for each and every person to make their very own the finished work of Jesus Christ. There is substantial freedom in what God has done. We can come to the wedding banquet wearing our own clothes or we can toss them in the trash where they belong and put on the white robes Jesus made for us. We are free to make this choice. It does not alter God’s love for us, but it does alter our experience of that love and whether or not we can participate in what God has planned for us, both now and in the world to come. The Spirit says, “Come.” Will we?
Thank you, Jesus, for doing everything necessary so we can be with you both now and forever. Thank you, Abba, for the gift of your Son and your Spirit. Give us willing and obedient hearts, and enable us to gratefully receive and live in the truth of all you have given to us. Amen.
“After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude which no one could count, from every nation and all tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, and palm branches were in their hands; and they cry out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Salvation to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.’ ” Revelation 7:9-10
The Consuming Fire of Love
by Linda Rex
At our group discussion last Wednesday night we were talking about how misdirected anger can ruin relationships. On the one hand, we dump our anger in violent and hurtful ways, and on the other, we stuff and deny our anger in many ways which are ultimately self-destructive. Neither use of our anger is healthy, nor do they serve the real purpose for us experiencing anger in the first place.
We misdirect our anger. We may be angry at one person, and tell others all about it, but never deal directly with the person who is the cause of our anger. Some of us deny our anger and bury it, but the anger which demands expression manifests itself in psychosomatic illnesses, passive-aggressive behavior, and/or depression. Sometimes we are angry about something someone has done to us or said to us, and we begin to behave in ways which are painful and destructive toward people we love and value.
I’ve heard so many stories in recent times about people expressing a deep-seated anger through violence. For example, when some people are frustrated about their inter-racial issues, they express that anger by destroying and looting businesses. I’m always nervous about having ticked someone off in traffic, because I don’t know if they will pull out a gun and shoot me! These expressions of anger are nonproductive and destructive—they don’t solve anything. They only create more problems and more misery.
So much of our anger is retributive. In other words, our anger is a response to a violation of some kind in which we judge that person worthy of punishment or destruction. We seek vengeance—to give them what we believe they deserve. We condemn them and pour out our anger on them in destructive ways.
Some of us realize this is a wrong response, but we still feel in our heart of hearts we want them to “get what they deserve”—to reap what they have sown. We might even be angry with God when he doesn’t bring down the wrath of heaven on this person who so deserves to be punished with eternal fire.
Whether we realize it or not, it is this way of thinking and this belief system which influences how we read what is written in God’s word. We assume God is just like us—that he’s just hanging out in heaven looking for opportunities to crush anyone who misbehaves. When we read “our God is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:29), we think we are being told this very thing—that God’s anger is going to consume anyone who violates God’s holy standards.
But the reality is, if God’s anger were going to consume any and every person who violates God’s holy standards, we would all have been wiped off the face of the earth millennia ago. This isn’t who God is. He’s not that type of Being. God’s anger doesn’t annihilate and destroy—it refines, renews, and restores. The truest expression of God’s wrath is not against human beings, but against the evil which infests their souls and twists their lives, and expresses itself in so many hurtful ways in our world.
The truest expression God’s wrath against sin and evil was in the Person and Presence of his Son Jesus Christ. First of all, the Son of God the Word took on our human flesh—he entered our darkness. Jesus encountered evil face-to-face within himself and forged for us a humanity unbound by sin and evil. He willingly limited himself to living as a human being, dependent fully upon his Father and the Spirit, and allowed himself to be rejected, tormented, and crucified.
Secondly, he permitted us as human beings to pour out on him all of our fear of a Punishing God, and all of our anger against this God, and all of our refusal to repent of our determination to be God in God’s place. Humanity’s response to whatever God they have worshipped so often has been a fearful “expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire.” We realize even turning our back on Jesus and what he has done for us means we deserve an even greater punishment and destruction. But no matter what we may believe about God and his feelings about our sin and sinful rejection of him, the truth is manifest in our Lord Jesus Christ: we are forgiven, accepted, and beloved. And we can’t seem to get our minds around that.
God’s wrath, his anger, is not so much aroused against each of us as it is against the evil and sin which consume us. His judgment of you and me and every other person who lives is that we are worthy of love, and we need to be rescued from sin, evil, and death. He has done a major part of the work by coming himself in Jesus, taking on our humanity, and allowing himself to be crucifed, and by wonderfully rising from the dead after sharing our death. He is busily working out the other part by his Holy Spirit as we embrace his presence in our world and in our hearts and lives.
Quite honestly, falling into the hands of the living God may be a terrifying thing to us, but it is the best possible thing which could happen. Being judged by the Lord means he goes to work to remove anything which is holding us captive, or causing us and others pain. It means we allow God to begin to transform our hearts and lives as we surrender to his will and his ways. We begin to acknowledge and live within the truth of the reality we have been transferred from the kingdom of darkness into his kingdom of light.
But this is so hard for us. When God goes to work, we abdicate our insistence we are the lord of the universe. We surrender to his lordship and begin to do things his way rather than our way. He becomes the purpose for our lives rather than our selfish desires or opinions. And this is why we resist the Spirit and his work in our hearts and lives. Submitting to the living Lord who submitted himself to us and our rejection of him over two thousand years ago doesn’t come naturally.
Considering the reality of how God deals with our sin and our anger against him, it is worth reflecting on how we respond to evil and how we deal with the anger we feel when we are violated in some way. Jesus took all evil and anger upon himself centuries ago, and what is left is our need to forgive, accept and love. Jesus is the truest expression of grace and truth—and this is what we need in our relationships with one another: grace and truth.
If and when we feel angry, we look with the eyes of Jesus. We start with, in what way have I or others been violated? This is a place of truth and truth-telling. We need to face ourselves and others with integrity—who am I angry with? And why?
If we are angry with God, that’s okay. He can take it. We just need to be honest about it and engage him in face-to-face ongoing conversation about our anger against him. It is not a sin to be angry with God—sin arises when we try to deny or suppress or misdirect our anger.
Another question we need to ask ourselves is, what about this situation am I able to change? And how to I go about changing it? Once we have our answer, we need to go do it, or get help doing it. We need to go have that difficult conversation with that difficult person and quit putting it off or triangulating to others. We need to place and enforce those healthy boundaries which have been missing in our relationship with someone, or we need to end an unhealthy, destructive relationship which is causing us harm. We need to use our anger as a springboard to change, healing and wholeness.
And we also ask ourselves, what about this situation must be surrendered to the grace of God in Christ? And how to I go about forgiving and accepting this wrong which has been done? And we begin to do the hard work of forgiveness and acceptance. This doesn’t let the person who has hurt us off the hook so much as it releases them to God’s work of transformation in their lives, and relieves us of the twisting of our soul which comes through resentment and bitterness.
These are all positive, healing ways of dealing with our anger which reflect the inner life and love of the Father, Son and Spirit. Living in this way better reflects the truth of Who God is and who we are in him. It creates a healthier, more joyful society in which to live. This is what God is, in his wrath against sin and in his judgment, preparing us for. This is God’s heart for us as his beloved children, and it is what we were destined to enjoy forever in God’s presence through his Son Jesus and by his Spirit.
Abba, thank you for loving and forgiving us. Thank you for judging us worthy of love and grace rather than destruction and rejection. Finish what you have begun in us through Jesus by your Holy Spirit. You are an awesome, amazing God, and we love you. Amen.
“For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Heb 10:26–31 NASB
God’s Freedom to Say No
By Linda Rex
I think one of the most difficult things for us as human beings to accept is God’s freedom to tell us “no.” For those of us with boundary issues, it can be even more difficult to accept, especially when we see no human reason why he should not say “yes” to what we may be wanting from him. If God is a good God, then why doesn’t he say “yes” to our requests, especially when they are important and good requests? Why do people suffer injustice, pain, loss, and other tragedies when God could so easily protect us all from evil and suffering?
There is something so tragic about someone who is caught due to circumstances beyond their control in a situation in which they must suffer loss, pain and/or grief which is overwhelming and debilitating. The human condition is such we face these type of events in our lives whether we like it or not. We cannot escape them, even when we want to. Some of us may try to find ways to escape the pain and suffering of life through addictions and distractions. But at some point, we all have to come face to face with the reality God sometimes says “no” to all our pleas for relief and deliverance.
The past few weeks in our Wednesday night small group we have been talking about boundaries, and how healthy and unhealthy ones are formed in the early years of life. Parents play a crucial role in a child’s development of boundaries which will enable them as adults to handle interpersonal and relational issues in heathy ways.
Our modern business world is looking for people with a high EQ or EI (emotional intelligence) rather than just a high IQ or intelligence, because business leaders understand the need for workers to be able to interact in healthy ways with their boss and their peers as well as with the customers they serve. So, teaching a child and a teen to respect other people’s boundaries as well as their own is important work to be done in their lives by a loving parent.
Every parent knows, if they are honest, there are times when they have to tell their child “no” but they really don’t want to. When a parent loves a child too much to tell them “yes” and tells them the “no” they need to hear but don’t want to hear, the parent may struggle with this process. How is it possible to tell a child “no” when it seems to cause them such suffering? Wouldn’t it be better to just let them have what they want?
The obvious answer, of course, is “no,” but that certainly doesn’t make it any easier for the parent to stand their ground. But stand their ground they must. And yet, there is always room for grace. Every parent needs to learn to listen to their child and to come to know their child’s heart.
Sometimes a child says “no” for really good reasons. And sometimes a child has a really good reason to ask their parent for something. This is where the parent can offer his or her child the opportunity to experience what it is like to have their healthy boundaries respected and honored. The critical piece here is the intimate relationship between the parent and the child.
What we see in action in this whole process is something called mutual submission. This is the mutual submission we see at work in the Triune relationship between the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. C. Baxter Kruger explains their relationship in this way:
“Jesus lives by relating to God as his Father, by seeking him and knowing him as Father and loving him with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength. His life is not really his at all, it is sonship. He never lives on his own, doing his own thing, following his own agenda. He has no self-interest. ‘Not what I will, but what you will be done (Mark 14:36); is not just the prayer in Gethsemane; it is the prayer of his whole life. …The Father is utterly riveted to his Son’s every move; he is the beloved Son. And the Son is in tune with his Father’s heart and filled with joyous passion for its pleasure. …This is a relationship of the deepest affections of the soul. There is no dead ritual, no façade or shame or hiding or reticence. The Jesus of the New Testament is so aware of God’s presence, so aware of the present God as his Father, and so confident in his relationship with him; and in turn his Father has such earnest joy in him and affection for him, that they share everything and live in utmost fellowship. The formula ‘Thou art my beloved Son’ and ‘Abba, Father,’ signals a living, personal, and active relationship of profound love and togetherness, a rich and blessed communion in which all things are shared.”
We tend to overlook the reality the Father submits to the Son in the same way the Son submits to his Abba. God, who is Judge over all, defers all judgment to his Son. Our heavenly Father, who created all things, created them through the Word in the Spirit. There is no hierarchy in the Trinity, but there is a Father-Son relationship in which there is mutual respect and submission. Jesus illustrated for us and lived out in our humanity the obedience each of us was created for—an obedience held in the midst of a loving, warm fellowship with Father, Son and Spirit as our Triune God of love.
The thing is, Jesus in his humanity, did not tell the Father “no” even when he was faced with the horrors of the crucifixion. He did ask the Father, but he did so in submission to the love and wisdom of his Abba, allowing him to say “no” to what he in his humanity desired. Jesus was invited by the Father to participate in humanity’s rescue from sin and death, and Jesus was free to say “no” to his Father. But his relationship with his Abba was such, he would not say “no”—his free choice was to join us in our humanity and to do for us what we could not do for ourselves, even though it cost him suffering and death.
One of the most difficult things for a loving parent to do is to watch their child suffer. Abba did not turn from his Son when he went through this suffering, but was “in Christ” when he suffered (2 Cor. 5:19). This event of Holy Week from beginning to end was a shared experience with the Father and his Son in the Spirit. There was no separation at all.
So, God’s “no” is never something which disassociates him from us. When we must live in the midst of whatever “no” we may think God has given us, God is present, going through it with us. When evil seems to be holding sway, understand the God who makes things right will indeed do so when the time is right. He sees what we cannot see, and understands the full ramifications of what is going on, and knows the end from the beginning. There is nothing too hard for him to set right. In Christ, in his life, death, resurrection and ascension, and in his gift of the Spirit, we have this assurance.
It boils down to this: Will we trust him? Will we allow God the freedom to do as he wills in our lives, believing he will make all things right in the end, and has our best interests at heart? Will we respect God’s freedom to do what he will in our situation, trusting he is a good God, a loving and faithful God, who will never leave us or forsake us?
Abba, thank you for your patient and faithful love. Grant us in Jesus and by your Spirit, the will and power to believe you are who you really are—good, loving, and gracious. Hold us in the midst of our suffering, pain, and struggles, and enable us to experience a deepening in our relationship with you. Let us know you are near, through Jesus our Lord, and in your Spirit. Amen.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; …” 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NASB
Our Life in the Trinity 